Why is it that I find myself stuck in traffic at 10:30 PM on a Saturday? As we crawl forward at about 10 MPH, I know the answer. It is my love for someone. Someone who was at one time the person I depended on most, someone who is now focused elsewhere. I am on my way home from watching her perform. It was an honor just to be invited. To see her having such a great time and doing a fantastic job made my day.
When you run a small business, the people that work for you either are, or quickly become, your friends, your family. When one moves on, the loss is deep. Not only do you lose a valued employee, you lose the daily contact with a close friend. That was the case with me.
I love my work. I choose this life, fully and completely and sometimes I forget that the people that work with me work in my shadow. I am often startled when someone makes a decision to do something else. After all, I’m doing this because I can’t think of anything I would enjoy more.
This loss was magnified because she was there from the beginning. She was the one that helped me birth the business. There were aspects that I thought of as more hers than mine. I knew she was unhappy; I knew she needed and wanted so much more in her life. Still, I was surprised when she announced it was time to go. I was a little lost without her. It took awhile to adjust, and even today two years later, I find holes that have remained unfilled.
There will never be someone who has been with me all along. I am now the only common denominator in this business. There is strength in that fact, strength and sometimes loneliness. I have had to become stronger without her. I have had to trust myself and life little more.
Tonight, I sat in the audience and witnessed one part of her new life. I found myself smiling the whole evening. What I saw was all the strength, all the brilliance I remember working with, only bigger, stronger, happier, freer. I watched and felt the audience fall in love with her. She was in the spotlight this time, not the shadow. This was where she belonged.
My heart full, I creep up the interstate, reflecting on all the wonderful things that have come from both of us letting go.