There are so many techniques for keeping those goals and resolutions.
Check the list:
- I’ve made positive, achievable, timely, exciting goals.
- I’ve asked for support.
- I’ve visualized, meditated, written, prayed etc.
- I’m willing to work on my issues; I even have people in my life that hold me accountable.
- I have cleaned my house, my desk and my car.
- I’ve read everything I think I can and asked everyone I know.
And still, I’m not reaching my goals.
Well, let’s take another look. This time, let’s look at what you goals you ARE reaching. By this I mean the goals that you are not consciously aware of; the goals that some other than conscious aspect of you is holding as more important that the ones you are paying attention to. This might seems strange to you, but until you figure out what is so important to you about what you do have in your life, nothing is likely to change.
To do this, you have to step into a slightly different frame of mind. Take a good look at what you have in you life right now. All the things you are doing and have, especially the ones you don’t want. Now, what we tend to do is look at these things as though they are problems to solve, things to get rid of , habits to break. Once we do that we’ve set up an internal battle that we are very likely to lose. So, let’s look again, only this time, start with this assumption. Assume that everything in your life, especially the things that are causing you stress, was chosen by you for some really good reason. Then ask yourself what that reason is.
This can be a little difficult, so you might want to write it down, or talk it through with a friend or professional. Keep asking yourself until you get something positive. It might take a little digging. So, for example: One of my clients was having trouble reaching some financial goals. By not reaching the goals, he was keeping himself from being able to financially help his parents. If he had been able to help his parents, he would have ended up in a superior position to them, something that felt deeply disrespectful to him. So, he unconsciously chose respecting his parents over having the money he wanted.
Once he understood what was going on, he was able to work on his goals from a completely different direction. His goal shifted to being okay within himself without having to financially take care of his parents (who by the way had never asked and probably didn’t want the “help”.) The result was that not only did he reach his goals, but his relationship with his parents shifted in a very nice way.
By looking at yourself this way, you will be starting a very important process. You’ll be shifting from a frame that encourages self-judgment to a frame that allows you to appreciate all that you have. Let’s be clear that appreciating what you have is not the same as wanting it. In the example above, my client did not want to continue in his current financial situation, he could however appreciate how hard he had been working to NOT make money. He was able change from seeing himself as a failure to seeing all the skills he had been using to maintain his current situation; so that he could preserve the respect he had for his parents. Once he did this, then the skills he had been using to maintain his old situation became available for his new goals. The key is to find how you’ve been using your skills to create what you don’t want, and shift them to helping you have what you do want.
So, take a new look at your life. Ask yourself how much work you are doing to keep your life just the way it is. Chances are that having what you want will be a whole lot easier when you understand what you you’ve been up to.